The disfunctional blog...

Ok, I was thinking about what to write, and I think I have it. I was talking to my friend Matthew on facebook, and we were talking deeeeeep. I mean really deep. We were getting personal, like "What you struggling with now?" And stuff like that. And we got on the topic of, why there are so many bad things in the world. How could a good God do that to his people? How can a loving God do that to his people? First of all, I think some of it is the devil, some of it is to make us stronger, some of it's our own sinfulness, some of it's others sin, some of it's because we're teenagers, some of it's because we are weak, and there's a whooole long list. And this year, along with previous years, I thought (this is actually quoted from my diary when I was 12.) "there are to many bad days then good, to much pain then joy." I believe this to be true sometimes. I whole heartily believe this is true. but, What I also believe, and I've come to the conclusion quite recently, that there is good in the world, there is stuff we do not see...or maybe we take for granted. See the world (I'm SOOOO sick of the world) trys to tell us what matters. (What I consider the world to be, is the media, people, the devil, basically anything evil lol.) Like oh, your a loser if you don't have a boy friend. And oh, your a loser if you study. (There was a girl at youth group who actually said, "I use to be all nerdy and study the time, but now I have fun." Well that basically what she said, but anyways, that kinda ticks me off.) Or, oh your a loser if your not pretty. Or what should matter most in life, is your career... Which totally gets me! Why should your stupid career matter that much? Lets see... If I could have a career, I get paid lots of money, I'm wealthy, I live in a big house, I have a nice car, people respect me, I have a pretty family, I'm not happy... Or have a job, were I'm poor, I live in a small dirty apartment that smells like cat pee, I don't even own a car. I ride my bike, or take the bus, People don't respect me, I have an ugly family that I get to spend time with, and I'm happy... I would always choose the last one over the first, every time!



Why do schools do that? You have to get a good job, or you fail at life. From one of superchick songs "You don't pass or fail, you just do your best." You CAN'T fail at life. no matter what. I mean life isn't a test... No matter how many times the school tells you it is!



Also, something else the world tells you, is me! It's all about yourself. And I hate that. I mean everyone hides things, and no one knows the other person is hurting so they think they're all alone! And thats not true! "Don't let it show...If you let it show, some one will know you're not perfect...They'll hate you. How dare someone tell you that you need help! of course you can do it alone." This wont work...Trust me, this whole year I tried to hide it from my parents...but I did finaly exploide...And you know what, it does fill better to talk about it...at least with someone you trust. And it does help to talk to people. Matthew is a good guy, and he and me send Bible verses to each other, or things that we're going threw thats upset us, and he kinda showed me it's not crazy to be a christian...



I mean peoples brains are being flooded with so much garbage there drowning! They can't think straight with all of this junk.



So I was talking to Matthew and he was a little down, and so I started telling him, good stuff I saw in the world. Like at the zoo with Beth, there was this little boy with down syndrome, and for some reason... I just saw how beautiful he was. He was staring at the goats. Theres so much to be thankful for! I might not have many friends...but I have a best friend, who I can tell anything to. And just everyday is hard to get up...but I really don't want it to. I know I'm only a teenager, but some times I feel like I'm running out of time...To do what I don't know? live life? who knows. but it's hard to see what there is to be thankful for, and theres so much good...you just don't see it.

sorry if this sounds a little mixed up, I wrote this like four days ago, but added new stuff to it lol. -sarah.