Mornings are horrible for me.
I hate waking up in the morning, I would much prefer to wake up at around 3 p.m.
That seems to be the best hour for me.
I don't know why I hate mornings so much.
It starts with my head hurting, kind of like it's full of pressure and just waiting to explode, or my chest aching with sadness. It's a pain that's horrible... leaves me wanting to curl up in a ball and not uncurl until the pain is over.
I use to try and sleep it away, but my family just thought I was some freak or something, so I stopped.
I've worked really hard on not sleeping for my family, but it always goes unnoticed.
Today it was really bad...really bad.
I didn't want to sleep, but it was the only way the pain would leave. I tried taking meds for the pressure in my head and chest, but I guess Ibuprofen can't fix that kind of pain. I slept from 12 to 3, and when I woke up I felt better. The pain was gone for a little while.
When It gets like that...it's not just I'm filling sad, I fill actual pain. My chest was the only thing that use to hurt, It was like I was empty and hallow, but now my head hurts to.
Sometimes the pains right above my ears on both sides (like it is now) and other times (like this morning) it's all over the place.
I remember the first time my head started hurting like that.
It's not like a normal head ache.
I knew that right away.
It was like someone cut something out of my head, something I needed to fill happiness.
maybe aliens came into my room, and took part of my brain away, like in the x-files. I need molder right now lol.
But ya, the first time it happened, I remember thinking oh great another pain to go along with my aching chest!
It was weird. I wasn't upset, I just thought it as a fact, maybe I should get rid of the exclamation point, but I don't want to I'm to lazy lol.
But the mornings are always the worst.
Ha, even just watching mornings on tv make me fill bad. I'm so weird sometimes. lol
But I was reading in my psychology book today about this guy who felt the same way I did except he felt bad in the afternoons. He said he would crawl into bed, and just lay there for as long as 6 hours until the pain stopped.
I'm actually scared of mornings.
I really am.
I'm scared that it might hurt.
Especially when I go some place to spend the night. Like on the great race, that morning was horrible. At Beth's house it's ok, cause we get to sleep in until like 1, and over there no one cares.
Man, the pain was really bad today...
I was really tired to, and weak. I felt like I wanted to throw up.
today I felt hopeless...
but only in the morning
The mornings are the worst for me.
-Sarah
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
VBS, the shalom house, flying wagon, and a trip down memory lane
Ok, today was a good day, but I'm kinda down right now...But I'll talk about why later.
Today at VBS I wasn't in the nursery! I went with Faith and Bethany (Emily's older sister) who taught the kindergarten class. There were a lot of really sweet kids in there. After words I went home and slept for three hours, then I went back to the church area (we didn't go to the church but we were close by) and helped at the shalom house. It's kinda like a restaurant, except smaller and it's free. They only have it open two days out of the week ,I think (hehehe I rhymed.). The two people that work there on a regular basis I like. The lady has black curly hair. Her skin is tan and kinda wrinkly. She smiles all the time, and is really nice. She works in the kitchen. Her husband helps serve the food. He has curly, brown hair. Always wears jeans and a belt with his shirt tucked in. He knows everyone that comes there. But for some reason I really like those two.
Ok now to the reason I'm kinda upset. I just got done watching 'radio flier' with Hannah. Elijah woods is in it when he was younger. It's about these two brothers who get abused by there step dad, and at the end the boy who gets abused flys away in this wagon thing. Ya, that's not very detailed, but I don't care. It just makes me sad to see kids hurt and stuff. Why do people have to be so mean?
I remember being little and trying to make contraptions to fly in. I was certain me and my friends were gonna make 1) a hot air balloon. 2) an air plane 3) a car out of a skate board. But really me and my friends at school stuffed our pockets full of trash and junk we found at recess. I use to have this really long purple coat, it went all the way down to my feet. It wasn't that it was a long coat, I was just super small. I would wear it cause the girls at the school were only allowed to wear dresses, so our legs would freeze during winter! I remember curling up in a little ball and just waiting to go inside! It was like recess was torture lol. The recess playground was pretty lame, all it had was a meddle slide (which the kids christened the big, blue slide), a plastic slide, some swings, and a kick ball field. It actually wasn't that bad for me at least, I liked just walking around and being by myself...wow I was a weird child. I remember one day finding this little ghost collector things...I don't remember what there called, but I apparently found a very rare one, and I was so popular on the bus ride home. EVERYone wanted it. I finely gave it away for five more pieces. It makes me smile to think about that. I remember the first day of first grade I cried cause I missed my mom so much. Then we lined up to go to recess, and I thought we were going home, so I got all ready to go and...we didn't go home lol. Later when we really were going home and I got on the bus, I started crying again cause I didn't know if that was the way to get home, and I thought they were just gonna take me some place and drop me off. But this girl named Emily ,who went to my church, said it would be all right. I also remember leaving my lunch box in the bus, and crying cause if you did that you had to flip a card, which was the worst thing in the world! But an older girl I was walking with to the school (I don't really remember why, I guess we had buddys or something.) asked me why I was crying and I told her, so she took me to the bus and opened the door. We had a hard time getting it open , she had to pull it really hard. And there it was! I was so happy. Man, I had a lot of good times on the bus. We had to wake up SO early to go to school, most of the time we would just sleep on it. It took thirty minutes to get to school from wear we lived...yes be amazed. So it was a good time to sleep. I remember Emily would sleep on the floor and I would sleep on the seat. I also remember my mom dropped me off in the wrong place once, well she didn't really drop me off at the wrong place, the school was just being stupid. Usually before school the kids played out side and then the teachers would blow the whistle to line up and we would all scamper off to our lines. But if it was really cold we would go to this one room and hang out before school started. That's were my mom dropped me off one day cause it was SOOO cold. But everyone was out side. My teacher said if you went to the wrong place you would get in trouble, so I ran around the school like a spy trying to get out of the building. I remember walk behind one of those food tray things...Though I don't know why they would have one of those in a school. I did somersaults around the building and stuff trying not to get caught. Man, I was a funny kid lol.... But what smells come to mind when ever you thing about school? For me it's always black asphalt in the sun. My second grade teacher was the best. She would bring in food ALL the time to have us sample them. We would try food from different countries most of the time, maybe thats why I like trying new types of food. woooow.....I just went down memory lane. I should probably end this soon.
Well, I'm gonna go to bed. Maybe later I'll talk more about my wounderful childhood adventures, like making car like things to go down the drive way, before the bus came to pick us up. Now that was fun. -Sarah
Today at VBS I wasn't in the nursery! I went with Faith and Bethany (Emily's older sister) who taught the kindergarten class. There were a lot of really sweet kids in there. After words I went home and slept for three hours, then I went back to the church area (we didn't go to the church but we were close by) and helped at the shalom house. It's kinda like a restaurant, except smaller and it's free. They only have it open two days out of the week ,I think (hehehe I rhymed.). The two people that work there on a regular basis I like. The lady has black curly hair. Her skin is tan and kinda wrinkly. She smiles all the time, and is really nice. She works in the kitchen. Her husband helps serve the food. He has curly, brown hair. Always wears jeans and a belt with his shirt tucked in. He knows everyone that comes there. But for some reason I really like those two.
Ok now to the reason I'm kinda upset. I just got done watching 'radio flier' with Hannah. Elijah woods is in it when he was younger. It's about these two brothers who get abused by there step dad, and at the end the boy who gets abused flys away in this wagon thing. Ya, that's not very detailed, but I don't care. It just makes me sad to see kids hurt and stuff. Why do people have to be so mean?
I remember being little and trying to make contraptions to fly in. I was certain me and my friends were gonna make 1) a hot air balloon. 2) an air plane 3) a car out of a skate board. But really me and my friends at school stuffed our pockets full of trash and junk we found at recess. I use to have this really long purple coat, it went all the way down to my feet. It wasn't that it was a long coat, I was just super small. I would wear it cause the girls at the school were only allowed to wear dresses, so our legs would freeze during winter! I remember curling up in a little ball and just waiting to go inside! It was like recess was torture lol. The recess playground was pretty lame, all it had was a meddle slide (which the kids christened the big, blue slide), a plastic slide, some swings, and a kick ball field. It actually wasn't that bad for me at least, I liked just walking around and being by myself...wow I was a weird child. I remember one day finding this little ghost collector things...I don't remember what there called, but I apparently found a very rare one, and I was so popular on the bus ride home. EVERYone wanted it. I finely gave it away for five more pieces. It makes me smile to think about that. I remember the first day of first grade I cried cause I missed my mom so much. Then we lined up to go to recess, and I thought we were going home, so I got all ready to go and...we didn't go home lol. Later when we really were going home and I got on the bus, I started crying again cause I didn't know if that was the way to get home, and I thought they were just gonna take me some place and drop me off. But this girl named Emily ,who went to my church, said it would be all right. I also remember leaving my lunch box in the bus, and crying cause if you did that you had to flip a card, which was the worst thing in the world! But an older girl I was walking with to the school (I don't really remember why, I guess we had buddys or something.) asked me why I was crying and I told her, so she took me to the bus and opened the door. We had a hard time getting it open , she had to pull it really hard. And there it was! I was so happy. Man, I had a lot of good times on the bus. We had to wake up SO early to go to school, most of the time we would just sleep on it. It took thirty minutes to get to school from wear we lived...yes be amazed. So it was a good time to sleep. I remember Emily would sleep on the floor and I would sleep on the seat. I also remember my mom dropped me off in the wrong place once, well she didn't really drop me off at the wrong place, the school was just being stupid. Usually before school the kids played out side and then the teachers would blow the whistle to line up and we would all scamper off to our lines. But if it was really cold we would go to this one room and hang out before school started. That's were my mom dropped me off one day cause it was SOOO cold. But everyone was out side. My teacher said if you went to the wrong place you would get in trouble, so I ran around the school like a spy trying to get out of the building. I remember walk behind one of those food tray things...Though I don't know why they would have one of those in a school. I did somersaults around the building and stuff trying not to get caught. Man, I was a funny kid lol.... But what smells come to mind when ever you thing about school? For me it's always black asphalt in the sun. My second grade teacher was the best. She would bring in food ALL the time to have us sample them. We would try food from different countries most of the time, maybe thats why I like trying new types of food. woooow.....I just went down memory lane. I should probably end this soon.
Well, I'm gonna go to bed. Maybe later I'll talk more about my wounderful childhood adventures, like making car like things to go down the drive way, before the bus came to pick us up. Now that was fun. -Sarah
Monday, June 7, 2010
VBS =P and the rest of the day =D
Today at church was VBS (vacation Bible School, for all you heathens out there lol). I get there and just love the feel of the atmosphere, excited kids, rooms decorated, games, snacks, crafts, music! It would be so fun!!! ....But I was in the stupid nursery. Don't get me wrong, I love babies...But three hours with five crying babies is NOT fun, especially when I'm the only teenager in there. Well, I'm not really upset about it. My mom's more angry than I am. I really think the person in charge of the VBS put me there cause she thought I would like it. But it was not fun.
This girl comes into the nursery. Shes maybe one, and shes clinging to the person in charge of the VBS, so I grab her really fast and take her to the toys so she wont start crying. She clung to me for 30 minutes at the least, and hour at the most, and would not let go. That's a long time holding a baby. She was black with puffy hair pulled back into a bun. When the VBS was over, my mom walked in and said I could go hang out with the teenagers. When I left she apparently started crying. When I came back in I went over to hold her and she stopped crying. We had five babies in there. Jessica who stood in the same place for two hours, and cried for a while. She ALWAYS cries when her mom leaves. Then there was Jack, he is super cute and easy to take care of. Then Heavena, the girl that clung to me. Then Max which is Jack's little brother. He's 3 months old. Then Jacob, the VBS person's adopted son. He was probably 2 1/2 months old. He pooped, and it smelled HORRIBLE!!! It was the worst thing ever. Everyone in the nursery almost threw up...it was awful *Shudder*.
But anyways after VBS things got better. The teenagers went swimming. This girl named Tammy drove me around. Tammy's pretty cool. She's very responsible, and cool and stuff. She has light brown hair, and is just a little bit taller than me. (I'm short if you were wondering.) Likes reading (I think.) She like keltic thunder (At least I think that's what it is called.) and DC talk. Well, any ways, we dropped her cousin off, then went to a gas station and got some kinda tea drink. Then we went to Foster's house to go swimming. It was just Tammy, Foster, and me for a while. Foster was shoveling gravel into a walk way and we were talking. He later brought out his acoustic guitar out, played for a little while, and then let me play black bird by the beatles. I have to admit I was playing good. There's times with the guitar where I just wanta stop cause my fingers aren't doing what I want them to, then there's other times were it's like magic. After words he started playing again, then he wanted me to play blackbird again. =) it made me fill good. Then a couple other people showed up, and we went swimming. There was a blue tarp, and a few people (including me) went under it and it was like a club house. It was nice and warm under it. Faith (She has blond hair...and is a blond lol. She's Foster's girl friend.) didn't even get in the pool. It was pretty cold. After swimming we went to taco bell, then we went to church, and there my mom picked me up. But when we were at the church Robby and Alex were being morons. They took Stacy's mom's car keys, and Robby started to drive it, even though he just has a learners permit...not to mention it's some one else's car.
It was a good day, with my friends. There going to the movie theater tonight, but I didn't go because I swum in my clothes and I wanted to go home and take a shower and change.
I'm also happy because I don't have to be in the nursery tomorrow, my moms gonna do it for me. My moms the best! =)
This girl comes into the nursery. Shes maybe one, and shes clinging to the person in charge of the VBS, so I grab her really fast and take her to the toys so she wont start crying. She clung to me for 30 minutes at the least, and hour at the most, and would not let go. That's a long time holding a baby. She was black with puffy hair pulled back into a bun. When the VBS was over, my mom walked in and said I could go hang out with the teenagers. When I left she apparently started crying. When I came back in I went over to hold her and she stopped crying. We had five babies in there. Jessica who stood in the same place for two hours, and cried for a while. She ALWAYS cries when her mom leaves. Then there was Jack, he is super cute and easy to take care of. Then Heavena, the girl that clung to me. Then Max which is Jack's little brother. He's 3 months old. Then Jacob, the VBS person's adopted son. He was probably 2 1/2 months old. He pooped, and it smelled HORRIBLE!!! It was the worst thing ever. Everyone in the nursery almost threw up...it was awful *Shudder*.
But anyways after VBS things got better. The teenagers went swimming. This girl named Tammy drove me around. Tammy's pretty cool. She's very responsible, and cool and stuff. She has light brown hair, and is just a little bit taller than me. (I'm short if you were wondering.) Likes reading (I think.) She like keltic thunder (At least I think that's what it is called.) and DC talk. Well, any ways, we dropped her cousin off, then went to a gas station and got some kinda tea drink. Then we went to Foster's house to go swimming. It was just Tammy, Foster, and me for a while. Foster was shoveling gravel into a walk way and we were talking. He later brought out his acoustic guitar out, played for a little while, and then let me play black bird by the beatles. I have to admit I was playing good. There's times with the guitar where I just wanta stop cause my fingers aren't doing what I want them to, then there's other times were it's like magic. After words he started playing again, then he wanted me to play blackbird again. =) it made me fill good. Then a couple other people showed up, and we went swimming. There was a blue tarp, and a few people (including me) went under it and it was like a club house. It was nice and warm under it. Faith (She has blond hair...and is a blond lol. She's Foster's girl friend.) didn't even get in the pool. It was pretty cold. After swimming we went to taco bell, then we went to church, and there my mom picked me up. But when we were at the church Robby and Alex were being morons. They took Stacy's mom's car keys, and Robby started to drive it, even though he just has a learners permit...not to mention it's some one else's car.
It was a good day, with my friends. There going to the movie theater tonight, but I didn't go because I swum in my clothes and I wanted to go home and take a shower and change.
I'm also happy because I don't have to be in the nursery tomorrow, my moms gonna do it for me. My moms the best! =)
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