Angery eyes.

Why does my mom treat me like I'm a moron? Do this. Do that. She's like "you need to call Becca and tell her to go here, ok, YOU need to work this out, Sarah, come on you never do anything right." I'm sorry it's just really getting on my nerves.

And I haven't had anything to eat today, because theirs absolutely NOTHING to eat in my house! Honestly, when I went to public school I always got to eat lunch. My mom and dad always say "Schools need to get rid of school lunches!" Well, news flash, when I was taken out of school and didn't get any public school lunches, I didn't eat! Then my dad acts like we don't need to eat. He always jokes about how moneys so important to him, more important than his kids are....and you know I don't think he's joking any more. I'll never forget the time me and Caleb (my little brother) were fighting, It wasn't a big fight we were just little kids. But he came out side and said "You know what, I wish I never even had you guys, you're just stupid kids." Do you know what it's like to hear your dad say that to you? All the while your thinking no one likes you, no one loves you, then your dad comes out side and says the very fears you were thinking. Back to the food thing, All I had to eat today was a small snack bag of chips. And my parents always ask me why I'm sick, and don't have any energy? They act like it's my fault I get sick.

One time my brother threw up, and get this he was only 7 yrs old, and what would a normal parent say "hey kiddo are you all right?" or "Don't worry you'll be better soon." No, my Dad yells at him, makes him cry, then acts like he (my dad) didn't do anything wrong and yells at my brother even more for crying. Ok, I can understand a non-saved person do that...but a christian?

Then one day, my brother was crying. (my brothers autistic) And my dad turns to my mom and says loud enough for everyone to hear him INCLUDING my brother and says "Yup were gonna hospitalise him." It wasn't just that he said that, it was the way he looked. So much hate and ANGER in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to kill him. Continually, I would be forced to stare into those hideously angry eyes. HE was the one that looked insane not my brother. And that day when I saw those eyes, that's when I realized my dad wanted my brother to be gone, he wanted my brother to be hospitalize.

I've been reading my dairies from when I was a kid. And all this really affected me. My dad mostly. I couldn't (and still can't) stand the man. It's hard to forgive a person who thinks they've done nothing wrong, and will never ask for forgiveness. Well, even if he did ask for forgiveness, I don't know if I would forgive him, I mean he was the one who taught me how not to forgive.
Caleb would always say sorry, and my dad would just look at him with those...can you even call them eyes? (They were more like a fire pit from hell, we had to stare into every day.) He would NOT forgive my brother. Never once did he forgive my brother. So could I forgive him?

Sometimes I wish my dad would punch my brother, so that I could call 911, and my brother would be taken from there... -Sarah