looking on the bright side.

Ok you know those days were you fill like everyone hates you, you let everyone down, and you think your a failer...ya todays one of those days. UGG! It all started because my mom wanted me to go get my hair cut. I didn't want to, because I am HORRIBLE at picking out hair styles, and I just wanted it to be the same. She got really mad at me, saying I never want to leave the house and making me fill ugly. I know she doesn't mean to make me fill ugly and failerish, but she does. I let EVERYONE down...Sorry this is so boring, but hey im homeschooled I don't get out of the house much lol. I have a really bad head ache, cause i fill so horrible.
But any ways I had a really fun time yesterday at youthgroup. Probibly one of my favorit memorys was created yesterday. My friends Taylor, Katie, and of corse Beth were the only ones from our small group there. When ever Im around them I fill like Im in 7th grade again, and i just get really happy. Jill is our small groups leader and shes really cool too. Shes very easy to talk with. We all were talking, and she just says "I love you guys". It made me fill SOO good. I never really felt loved by any adult before, except my parents and even then I always just thought they had to love me, it was there job. I would some times think, what if my parents weren't my parents, and I was born into a different family. My parents wouldn't love me, like me, or even know me. So for an adult to say that to me, who wasn't my family member, it felt good. I've been trying to focus on that memory all day, so that i wouldn't fill so depressed and its sorta working, but sorta not at the same time. And she seems more like a person to me, like she really understands what teenagers are going threw. She talks about stuff that happened to her when she was our age, and thats new to me. Most grown ups i know don't talk about their childhood or teen years, well at least they don't talk about it to me. They seemed to just have sprung into being the way i know them to be. Like they were programed with all that wisdom, and never had to learn any of it. I remember the first time thinking that parents or adults were people. I was in 8th grade and a teacher said "think about it. parents are just a bigger version of you." I was shocked for some reason. I don't know what i thought they were, wizards, elfs, goldfish, who knows? but i sure as heck didn't think they were just bigger and wiser kids. And I can really tell Jill understands what were going threw, because she talks about her teen years.
And after youth group we all just kind of hung out. I just like being around them so much. They really lission to me, and i fill like they want to hear me talk, and don't want me to just shut up so they could start talking. I told them how i felt about them, that Beth and them were some of my best friends. I said this because so many times my best friends don't know that they are my best friends. I mean I don't think i've told anyone at BCS that 7th grade was the happiest year of my life because of them, and i didn't want them to leave me too without knowing how much they mean to me. Honestly, I can't believe I told them they were my best friends. I don't usually put that information out there, because im scared it could hurt me in the end, or that what if they leave me like my friends did and im all alone again. But ive decided im not going to care what happens, im going to live in the present. We were some of the last ones out of the church cause we just sat around talking. My parents were nice and let me stay for a while because i was having so much fun. I am SOO jealous of them, how they get to go to the same school and see each other every day. I wish instead of tri-west, i went to avon. Even if I did get bullied at avon ,like i did at tri-west, it wouldn't be so bad because I would have friends.
I can't believe how much this helped me to write all this out, my head ache isn't as bad, and i fill a little bit happy now. -sarah