A purple elephant jumped over the cell phone in the sky.

hmmm......
I'm very lonely right now. I don't know why. I mean I went to youth group at kingsway today and had fun. Met some cool people. Saw Beth, Taylor, and Matthew. (They're cool kids.=) Talked to Chris (the youth pastor) and he asked me about my guitar playing and stuff. But I fill pretty lonely right now still.
Today was a pretty hard day, my brother had a friend over named Ben...and I don't know. Sometimes I just wished he wasn't autistic, like he's 14 but he still cries like he's 2 sometimes. And he gets really upset, and you know, it's hard to have friends over cause you don't know what he's gonna say or do. =(
I love him and all, but I just wounder how my life would be different if he wasn't autistic, but he's done a lot of good for me to.

Another topic. When I was in 8th, 9th, and 10th grade I was super depressed, and stressed and stuff. I told him (my family doc) all the symptoms I had (cause at the time, I didn't know what was wrong with me.) My body ached, my arms tingled, I was tired all the time, I got head aches, my stumic hurt, my heart raced, I was short of breath, and we went threw all this stuff to see what was wrong with me. I was reading something, and those are all symptoms of stress and what not. When we went back there, when I realized I was depressed, he didn't do anything. My mom took me to a different doctor and the doctor had me fill out these test. It turned out I was super upset, I remember praying to God to just let me die in a car crash or something.
I got the feeling from my dad that he just wanted me to get over it, and he was mad at me. I remember him telling me "it's just only gonna get worse when you get older."

But I'm sorta better, we'll see how the school year goes. But I was just wondering, why didn't anyone help me? Why did I feel so alone every time I went inside my church? Everyone just seemed so fake. Especially the grown ups. Walking around smiling ALL the time. And at school, I walked into the FCA (i think that's what that's called.) but all the people in there, were the ones mean to me in the hallway. They were the ones throwing food at me in lunch, and laughing at me in the hallways. =(

But anyways, I shouldn't feel alone at my church. And I shouldn't feel like every time I go in there I have to fake a smile and pretend every things all right when it's not. But anyways....

-Sarah