dreadful mornings...

Mornings are horrible for me.

I hate waking up in the morning, I would much prefer to wake up at around 3 p.m.

That seems to be the best hour for me.

I don't know why I hate mornings so much.

It starts with my head hurting, kind of like it's full of pressure and just waiting to explode, or my chest aching with sadness. It's a pain that's horrible... leaves me wanting to curl up in a ball and not uncurl until the pain is over.

I use to try and sleep it away, but my family just thought I was some freak or something, so I stopped.

I've worked really hard on not sleeping for my family, but it always goes unnoticed.

Today it was really bad...really bad.

I didn't want to sleep, but it was the only way the pain would leave. I tried taking meds for the pressure in my head and chest, but I guess Ibuprofen can't fix that kind of pain. I slept from 12 to 3, and when I woke up I felt better. The pain was gone for a little while.

When It gets like that...it's not just I'm filling sad, I fill actual pain. My chest was the only thing that use to hurt, It was like I was empty and hallow, but now my head hurts to.

Sometimes the pains right above my ears on both sides (like it is now) and other times (like this morning) it's all over the place.

I remember the first time my head started hurting like that.

It's not like a normal head ache.

I knew that right away.

It was like someone cut something out of my head, something I needed to fill happiness.

maybe aliens came into my room, and took part of my brain away, like in the x-files. I need molder right now lol.

But ya, the first time it happened, I remember thinking oh great another pain to go along with my aching chest!

It was weird. I wasn't upset, I just thought it as a fact, maybe I should get rid of the exclamation point, but I don't want to I'm to lazy lol.

But the mornings are always the worst.

Ha, even just watching mornings on tv make me fill bad. I'm so weird sometimes. lol

But I was reading in my psychology book today about this guy who felt the same way I did except he felt bad in the afternoons. He said he would crawl into bed, and just lay there for as long as 6 hours until the pain stopped.

I'm actually scared of mornings.

I really am.

I'm scared that it might hurt.

Especially when I go some place to spend the night. Like on the great race, that morning was horrible. At Beth's house it's ok, cause we get to sleep in until like 1, and over there no one cares.

Man, the pain was really bad today...

I was really tired to, and weak. I felt like I wanted to throw up.

today I felt hopeless...

but only in the morning

The mornings are the worst for me.

-Sarah